Obama vs. Technology

Last weekend, President Obama gave a commencement speech in which he complained about modern technology. In an effort to clarify what the President MEANT, I've taken the time to "translate" his speech to you can know, in no uncertain terms, what his point was. Text in black is what was said, text in red is my translation:

So education is what has always allowed us to meet the challenges of a changing world.
The educational system in the United States is the greatest liberal stronghold, and helps us by brainwashing students before they have a chance to know better. 
And Hampton, that has never been more true than it is today.
We need more liberals to defeat these fascist, right-wing conservatives. They don't seem to let up.
This class is graduating at a time of great difficulty for America and for the world.
This class is graduating at a time of great difficulty brought on solely by the Bush administration.
You're entering a job market, in an era of heightened international competition, with an economy that's still rebounding from the worst crisis since the Great Depression.

You're entering a non-existent job market (unless you want to work for the government); in an era of heightened international competition that will hopefully knock America down a few notches; with an economy that I will continue to refer to as "rebounding" in hopes that you'll actually believe me. We have faced the worst crisis since the Great Depression thanks to Bush.

You're accepting your degrees as America still wages two wars - wars that many in your generation have been fighting.
You're accepting your degrees as America still wages two wars - wars that Bush got us into. Many in your generation have been fighting in these wars - thanks to Bush.
And meanwhile, you're coming of age in a 24/7 media environment that bombards us with all kinds of content and exposes us to all kinds of arguments, some of which don't always rank that high on the truth meter.
And meanwhile, you're coming of age in a 24/7 media environment that bombards us with all kinds of content that the White House hasn't approved, exposes us to all kinds of arguments, some of which don't always rank high on the truth meter - but many that are accurate and cause trouble for my administration. 
And with iPods and iPads; and Xboxes and PlayStations -- none of which I know how to work -- (laughter) -- information becomes a distraction, a diversion, a form of entertainment, rather than a tool of empowerment, rather than the means of emancipation.

My regime does not appreciate the free flow of information created by the iPods and iPads, Xboxes and Play Stations - none of which I will admit to caring about. Information becomes a distraction from my socialist agenda, a diversion from my big government plans, a form of entertainment by watching Biden's gaffes, rather than a tool of brain washing, rather than the means of liberalizing the entire country.

So all of this is not only putting pressure on you; it's putting new pressure on our country and on our democracy.
So all of this is not only confusing you because you are hearing different viewpoints than what you've heard in school; it's putting new pressure on our country and on our democracy - it's hard to control the media, education system, unions AND the American people at the same time!
Class of 2010, this is a period of breathtaking change, like few others in our history. We can't stop these changes, but we can channel them, we can shape them, we can adapt to them.
Class of 2010, this is a period of breathtaking change, like few others in our history. We can't stop these changes - although we'll give it our best shot - but we can control them, bend them, and use them to achieve our socialist, big government agenda.
And education is what can allow us to do so.
And, thankfully, education is still our liberal stronghold, which can allow us to do so.
It can fortify you, as it did earlier generations, to meet the tests of your own time.
It can close you off, as it did earlier generations, to other viewpoints and ensure a desire for government to regulate and control all facets of your life.

An Insightful List of Clarifications From The Mind of a Right-Wing Wacko

• The new immigration law in Arizona is not new in requiring people to have "papers" - 42 states require that one carries some form of identification at all times - I.D. card, drivers license, etc. So there is nothing new about wanting people to have their "papers"-- or proof that they are who they say they are.
• People that don't live or have never lived in a border state should keep any negative opinions about the Arizona law to themselves. They don't know what illegal immigration has done to these places. They may think they know, but they have no clue. If you would like to know, e-mail me.
• I am appalled at Mayor Bloomberg -- that he would suggest that the would-be Times Square bomber was someone with a “political agenda”… possibly “against the health care bill.” Are you kidding me?! That should show everyone who the leftists actually view as the enemy -- conservatives (although the majority of Americans were against Obamacare) -- not muslim terrorists.
• I find it hilarious that the administration is conveying the idea that they somehow stopped the Times Square bomber, and saved countless lives. They didn't stop anything. The bomb didn't go off. The bomber was stupid when it came to bomb-making. So had it not been for the faulty bomb, there would have been lives lost. 
• Maybe it's just me, but I have seen much more news coverage on the oil spill in the Gulf - instead of the flooding in Tennessee. Or for that matter, no one is discussing the 11 people who lost their lives on that oil rig. But why is it that when natural disasters happen in minority areas, the media covers it 24/7, but when it's in the heartland of the country, it doesn't get the same airtime. Do white people need less help in a disaster than others do? Or does it just not accomplish the political goals the media is interested in conveying?